Well my weight fucking went up... so yeah I'm back on diet and exercise. Starting tomorrow since it's the middle of the fucking night.

Key: Weigh In, Exercise, Looser's Log, Food Stuffs.

1:00 AM ~ 117 lbs
1:57 AM ~ 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates

---

Sunday Sept 28 2008

---

12:23 PM ~ 2 servings of cake
6:24 PM ~ 4 hot dogs with cheese
8:94 PM ~ 1 serving strawberry ice cream
11:34 PM ~ Okay, so I'm not doing well with my eating yet. And I didn't exercise and I forgot to weigh in... so I'm doing really crappy so far... it's times like this when I really hate myself.

---

Monday Sept 29 2008

---

2:55 PM ~ 1 egg & 2 toast with butter. Yummy ^~^
4:08 AM ~ 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
4:13 PM ~ I'm so sore from exercising .... yeah I'm tired I'll write more later.
4:23 PM ~ Okay so I do this annoying thing... least-wise, it's annoying to me. But like I go over the hill to organize things so that I can... I guess get more done... but in reality it just takes up time. For instance... there have got to be very few people on livejournal who color code they're weight loss journals.... I mean that's just weird. But here I did it, and why? No good reason... I'm so annoyed with myself right now. God, why must I be such a weirdo?
8:30 PM ~ Chili and crackers

---

Tuesday Sept 30 2008

---

-None Yet-

---

Wednesday Oct 1 2008

---

-None Yet-

---

Thursday Oct 2 2008

---

-None Yet-

---

Friday Oct 3 2008

---

-None Yet-

---

Saturday Oct 4 2008

---

-None Yet-

---

Begin Weight: 217
Currant Weight: 217
Goal Weight: 105
Weight Remaining: 112/112

Week 0: 217
Week 1: ---

---

Weight Loss Buddies
emmy
erinsexercise

Weight Loss Groups
100pounds2lose

---

Reward Ideas
New Clothes-outfit
Belly Button Ring
Get Hair Dyed
Shopping Spree
Tripp Pants That Fit!
That Skirt I have that I want to fit.

---

Tips About Weight Loss
Soda Makes You Gain Weight
Milk Helps You Lose Weight
Two Eggs For Breakfast Helps You Lose Weight

---

.

Okay, I know I've been doing bad on posting... I'm going to try to start posting again. I'm going to try to start externalizing again.

... bad bad tiffay...

YES!!!!!!!! I lost 5 pounds in my first week and haven't even been curving my eating!!! I was going to take today off but with this awesome new success I think that I'll do my Pilates right now ^.^ I am extremely happy XD If I keep this up, and I know I won't, but bare with me here... if I keep this up than I can have it all off in six months. *grins* Okay I know that won't happen, I don't have enough will power, but it's still awesome XD

Again, I have one post a week which I edit every day, so my watchers aren't swamped.

---

Week 0~ 210 lbs
Week 1~ 205 lbs

Short Term Goal~ 180 in by Nov 23, which is two pounds a week.
Long Term Goal~ 100 in by Aug '09, which is two pounds a week.

---

Week 2~ Aug 17-23

Aug 17 Sun- 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
Aug 18 Mon-
Aug 19 Tue- 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
Aug 20 Wed-
Aug 21 Thu-
Aug 22 Fri-
Aug 23 Sat-
Aug 23 Sat-
40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates

---

---

Weight Loss Buddies
emmy
erinsexercise

Weight Loss Groups
100pounds2lose

---

Reward Ideas
New Clothes-outfit
Belly Button Ring
Get Hair Dyed
Shopping Spree
Tripp Pants That Fit!
That Skirt I have that I want to fit.

---

Tips About Weight Loss
Soda Makes You Gain Weight
Milk Helps You Lose Weight
Two Eggs For Breakfast Helps You Lose Weight

---

.

Well I've been asked to write a little more about me.

As you know I'm 26 and consider myself to be very goth... I have a problem though... I'm obese and always have been.. and they have just barely begun making goth clothes for bigger girls. So I've been forced to where what I could find, that wasn't much. Everyone around me admires my style... usually consisting on goth or butterfly armed shirts with jeans... but it's still not the real me. Lucky for me though I've found a site on how to alter clothes to make them more personal... and so that's what I've decided to do. Though right now I live in a small town with no shopping to speak of, so it will be a while before I will be able to go on a shopping spree and get some of the basics. Anyway... sorry about that tangent...

Let's see.... Part 1: Early Life

I was born in Fort Worth Texas *gags* ... I detest Texans, especially that hideous accent. But we didn't stay there long. My father was an alcoholic and my mother would leave him periodically and drag us some place new... to this day I hate moving... Anyway, I was about three when we moved to California. My earliest memory was when I was about three, we lived in an apartment complex and my father was living with us O.O Kinda a shocker... but anyway, we were taking out the trash and I wanted to help so my father gave me a paper bag of trash to carry. And I got tired... I remember calling to him that I was tired and couldn't hold it and he just kept on walking with my older brother... and so I set the bag down on my feet, and there was glass in the bag that sliced through my toe... I don't remember much after that but I, up until recently, still had the scar.

So than we moved to California and I don't remember much and than my dad moved back in with us and we got a different apartment... I'm informed that I'm about 4 for this one. We lived in a house that was shaped like a horseshoe or doughnut... and it was mostly dark brown inside... And my mother and I were hiding in the linen closet and playing hide and seek with my older brother... I think that my little brother was with us but I don't know for sure. And that's it, just that piece. Than around that time I remember falling down the stairs, which wasn't that strange except I remember my father comforting me, not my mother. When my father was sober he was a great dad and I loved him very much, but it was light outside and during that time he shouldn't even have been home. We think that it might have been when my mother was in the hospital having my little sister. There are four of us children.

Alyx- Married, 2 kids
Me- Alone and miserable
Max- Married, 2 kids, Alcoholic drug abuser
Jessyca- Engaged, bible thumped

So I would have been about 3 or 4.

In our next apartment (I was four or five)... it was duplexes I think... and they had this playground for all of the duplexes. And than each on had it's own tiny back yard. And I remember watching this guy teaching his daughter how to swing and I remembered learning how to swing just from watching this guy and his daughter.. I didn't know either of them. I was alone and it was an overcast day. No one seemed to care about me... I was just alone... I have a memory in the same place of it being rainy and not having an umbrella and everyone around me scurrying to they're houses with umbrellas and being jealous cuz I didn't have one. To this day umbrellas are incredibly appealing to me for some reason. So I was walking home in the rain and I remember looking down and there were these seed pods on the walk way... they were from threes but they kinda looked like pea pods.. and I remember just staring at all of the little seeds in the pods... I just remember thinking how beautiful and whole it was. I just now realized that that was a very strange thing for a five year old child to think. I've never written or said that memory before. But I did, I though it was almost like a work of art, though I wasn't familiar with real art at that time. The the back yard at that apartment I got a scar on my hand. These guys had come and had replaced the wood fence and had left the old fence just sitting in a big pile of nails and wood in the back yard. So we were playing the the back yard and my brother and I were throwing either a baseball or softball back and forth and he threw it into the pile by accident. And he convince me to go in after it. I slipped and got a nails stuck right through my wrist. I don't remember a whole lot other than my father saying "Well I just can't decide whether it would be better to pull it out or push it through". I do remember trusting him implicitly and that they didn't take me to a doctor. And I remember my dream that night. I was in the tub after they had pulled the nail from my hand and we had an ugly black and red carpet next to the tub. And I got out of the tub and stepped onto the carpet and the carpet came alive into crabs and started pinching my feet painfully and I was afraid to call out because I was naked and I didn't want anyone to see me naked. I had that same dream for years and years.

I had one more memory that I'd like to share before I end for today. The first time I ever went to the hospital was when I was fourteen. I have scars on my body that definitely needed stitches and yet the first and only time was when I was fourteen. My little brother went 14 times when we lived in California alone... and we moved when I was 12. I remember one of the times we were heading into kaiser hospital and my mother was carrying my brother who was crying. He is less than a year and a half younger than me. And I remember being so jealous that he got to come to the hospital and I never did. So jealous that I contemplated, at about age 5 or 6, jumping in front of a passing car just to get a little attention. Even at that young age I could tell that I was unloved and unwanted. The people that I loved didn't love me back.

As a side note... my mother suffered from chronic migraines due to an unknown allergic reaction when I was young. She would sleep until 3 or 4 in the afternoon. One time she actually woke up to me trying to cook breakfast for my siblings when I was 4 or 5. So in addition to having a father that worked 12 hours and than went and did drugs and drank with his buddies for 5 hours, I also had a mother who was very neglectful through no fault of her own.

P.S. I would like to state, that I'm not emo. I have no intention of making people feel sorry for me. I was asked to write about myself more in depth and I'm striving to do that. But if you read that whole thing than thanks, it is nice to get some things off of my chest.

---

.

I've been working on these for a while but I'm very new to beading and so it took me a while. But here they are, whatever they're called.



They are my very first beaded project ^.^

---

.

So last night I was shaving my legs and I noticed new stretch marks. NEW!! Which means that I'm actually gaining weight so fast that I have NEW STRETCH MARKS!!! And I was so fucking miserable that I have decided to do daily workouts! YAY. So each week I will post one of these and update it everyday, that way you're not swamped with my daily workout sessions. So here it is Week 1.

---

Week 0~ 210 lbs... at 5'2" I'm obese!
Goal~ 180 in by Nov 23, which is two pounds a week.

Week 1~ Aug 10-16
Aug 10 Sun- 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
Aug 10 Sun- 50min, Belly Dance Workout: Perfect Hips
Aug 11 Mon- 30min, slow stretching
Aug 11 Mon- 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
Aug 12 Tue- 40min, Sweatin To The Oldies 2
Aug 13 Wed- 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
Aug 13 Wed- 50min, Belly Dance Workout: Perfect Hips
Aug 14 Thu-
Aug 15 Fri- 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates
Aug 16 Sat- 40min, Crunch Fat Burning Pilates

---

---

By the way if anyone wants to join me and try to help each other I would be very grateful.
*runs off to find live journal weight loss groups*

Weight Loss Buddies
emmy
erinsexercise

Weight Loss Groups
100pounds2lose

Reward Ideas
New Clothes-outfit
Belly Button Ring
Get Hair Dyed
Shopping Spree

Tips About Weight Loss
Soda Makes You Gain Weight
Milk Helps You Lose Weight
Two Eggs For Breakfast Helps You Lose Weight

---

.

Well I had a wonderful dream where I got a really crappy job but made tons of money and invested it and was able to quit that crappy job cuz I got rich. So, *sigh* now I'm off to find a job, except I don't know what to do... Previously I was in data entry but the company shut down and I haven't been able to find another job anywhere near as good... so that sucks. I think that I'll go and try to find one Monday though cuz I'm sick of sitting at home alone... and there are no hot guys at my house... if I am to meet hot guys than I must be off to a job... sucky but true. Anywho, just a little more complaining about my crappy existence.

I'm a women so you'll have to replace Uke with Submissive.

You are an Innocent Uke!

Cute and sweet, and most gentle of all uke, whips and chains are not for you - you just want someone to love you. You are often spotted in candy shops wearing furry kitty ears, where you are sure to be noticed by the Romantic Seme, whose protective instincts will kick in and will only want to take you home and love and protect you. And you, of course, will be more than happy to spend the rest of your life baking cookies for your seme.

Most compatible with: Romantic Seme

Least compatible with: Sadistic Seme, Don't Fuck With Me Seme

What seme or uke are you? Take the experience at SemeUke.com, or find merchandise here.

And this was insanely accurate:

Your Birthdate: April 10

Independent and dominant, you tend to be the alpha dog in most situations. You're very confident, and hardly anything ever shakes you. Mundane tasks tend to drain you - you prefer to be making great plans. You are quite original. When people don't "get" you, it bothers you a lot. Your strength: Your ability to gain respect Your weakness: Caring too much what others think Your power color: Orange-red Your power symbol: Letter X Your power month: October